Burnt Out at an old age

 

Lalita is now in her early 70s. She is the only sister of her two brothers who are quite junior, more than 10-15 years. And hence, as an elder sister, she groomed both brothers. And as she got married after passing matriculation in her early 20s, she had to carry out all house-hold chores and then bore five children, three sons and two daughters. All her brothers and children are now well settled. They have their own family with grown-ups pushing their agenda of progress, whatever that means to them. So much so far her and her family.

So, one fine Sunday morning, I get a call. Her calls are rare. Many a time, I will call her. So getting a call after a gap of some months was a pleasant surprise.

Latika: Hello, uncle… How are you?

Me: I am fine

Latika: Oh, I just thought of phoning you to say Hello.

Me: Ok, we are fine. We are mostly home-bound, doing well. Hope you too are fine.

After some more pleasantries, our conversation followed as below

Latika: Do you know of death of Mr. Gargava in April.

Me: Yes, I got a whatsapp message. He died of Covid-19 infection complicated with other ailments. Very sad to know someone known to us dying due to Covid infection and or lack of medical attention. I have sent a condolence message to his daughter, whose phone number is available with me.

Latika: That’s great. I got message too. I could not go. After a month, I phoned his wife to express my condolences and expressed my inability to come personally to her home. However, a widow said that many had come personally. Those who have genuinely felt sorry of my husband’s death, did come for cremation or thereafter to meet us. Uncle, I got hurt with her behaviour. I have in the past carried out my duties, extended all courtesies and now that this bereaved lady is hurtfully talking to me. I just could not personally go to meet her, as it is a corona pandemic time and travel to her home which is another town, is far off.

Me: I agreed with her contention. However, she was getting emotional, hurtful. I tried to console her that at her age, it is not possible to meet all social responsibilities with personal presence and phone call was good enough under the circumstances.

As we conversed over phone, it became a more of monologue, as Latika started narrating one instance after another and how she would do everything to meet her personal or family’s social obligations. She also narrated as to how she rose to help her brothers, faced grief of her young son dying of cancer, and arranged marriages of her daughters and son, without assistance of even her husband. She shouldered the responsibility all by herself.

As I patiently heard her, I felt that she was strong in facing all life challenges and she should consider herself heroic in that sense. And hence, I found it odd too as to why she was emotional, and even crying intermittently. More-over she and her husband are financially well off with children in close contact. She is not dependent upon some one’s mercies. But it was not the case. She felt herself neglected more so now. She felt that nobody cared for her? 

Why did this happen? 

Old age blues as the interdependence of old time is no longer a reality? Was it not a case of living one’s own life as ones’ own priorities are sent aside? She clearly represented a case of ‘Burnt Out or drained out” as emotion overcame reality as this long distance call did not seem to bridge the gap.